Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
jump out the window naked night went bad
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