I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
