Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
