p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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