I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Drake has all the answers
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
