It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
