Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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