She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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