So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
