You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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