Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
