Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
