dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
