yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
