Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
