You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
