we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
