yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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