Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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