we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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