My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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