apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
