Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
