If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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