yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
