Well apparently he's into motor boating.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
