In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
