Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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