I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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