Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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