so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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