Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
