Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
