dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
