grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
