rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
