who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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