I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Randomize
