i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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