My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
