what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she woke up with a sticky ear
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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