I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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