I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize