Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
