i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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