We're facebook friends in real life
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
