The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
