omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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