Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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