community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
