dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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